Attention all ye Floridian kooks, conspiracy theorists and Constitution-haters who are still trying to undermine the recent presidential election: When you’re done squealing about “stopping the steal,” rejoice and be glad! Because The Donald will be your default governor of Florida as soon as he moves back to Mar a Lago!
For Trumpian true-believers who’ve been clamoring to see the chosen one with unhindered authority over taxpayer-funded operations of government, you’re about to get your wish. It doesn’t matter that some guy named Ron DeSantis is technically governor of Florida. It never has.
Why? Because everybody knows DeSantis does whatever Trump tells him to do.
When it comes to COVID-19, Don tells Ron how to manage the public health crisis. Pandemic death rates? Don tells Ron. Climate change? Don tells Ron. Positions on Middle East peace policies? Don tells Ron. Standards of leadership, honesty and personal accountability? Don tells Ron. Public information and the duty to provide honest answers to questions from Florida journalists? Don tells Ron.
In other words, when Don says “jump,” Ron says “off which cliff?”
And Florida’s many, many lower-ranking Republicans aren’t any different. Legislators, sheriffs, county commissioners have all eagerly professed their undying faith and loyalty — not to the country — but instead to the infallible and almighty being with three letters in his name: D-O-N.
So no, it doesn’t matter that The Donald was never actually elected to be in charge of Florida. He wasn’t reelected president either, but the Don disciples have been ready to scrap things like “law and order” and the U.S. Constitution just to keep him in power.
Some Floridian followers have even been willing to resort to violence in their zealous effort to undermine law and order and American voters. Right here in Pensacola the vice chairman of the Escambia County Republican Party was arrested and charged with simple battery of a woman who expressed an opinion against his own within a public park.
And in South Florida, many Florida Cuban voters enthusiastically supported the president who brazenly misused executive authority to siphon millions of taxpayer dollars to his family’s personal resorts, properties and businesses, even as they decry Fidel Castro’s infamously corrupt seizure of wealth and property from the people of Cuba.
In the Fantasyland of Florida, glaring parallels between authoritarians who rose to power through a cult of personality simply don’t matter. Like the song goes, “A dream is a wish your heart makes…” And if your heart wishes to adore a reality television star and generously surrender your tax dollars to benefit the personal enrichment of people like Ivanka, Jared, Don Jr., Eric and whoever Melania hires as her divorce attorney, then your dream may soon be coming true right here in the Sunshine State!
So while The Donald’s new trademark reality show may have to become “The Biggest Loser,” don’t worry. The Donald may have lost the election, but he won Florida. And he’ll have plenty of time to get tired of winning when he leaves 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, moves back to Mar a Lago, and becomes the default governor of the Sunshine State that has been so enthusiastically surrendered to him.